Why I Put My Husband First

From the moment my children were born, they became my entire world. My every thought, my every desire, my every reason for every breath. I was so completely immersed in love with them that nothing else mattered to me. Sounds like what every parent should feel about their kids, right? Well, yes and no.



Every parent should love their children without conditions and strive to give them the world, but the line is crossed when they fill your heart with so much love that it leaves no room for the one you created those children with.


As many of you know, 4 months into mine and Adrian’s relationship I found out I was pregnant with Ayda. He was a freshman in college and I was a junior. Our lives were immediately consumed with figuring things out financially, preparing for the baby, playing sports and staying on track to graduate - we were constantly going a million miles per minute. Since the very beginning of our relationship, our focus had been on everyone and everything else.

Fast forward to five years later, life has slowed down quite a bit and we are now in the position to enjoy the fruits of our labor. The only thing that stopped us from doing so was the amount of tension, frustration, and pure disconnect we felt towards one another. Suddenly, we had all of these things surrounding us that we worked so hard for: a family, a home, nice things to fill our house with, good jobs, etc. It all meant nothing because the foundation that all of those things were built on was no longer solid, causing everything to either be unstable or come crashing down. Our happily ever after had turned into coexisting with one another, walking on eggshells, and struggling to make it through the day without an argument.


It was no one else’s fault but our own.


All of the time and energy we put into building the life that we now live, and the overwhelming amount of love and affection we poured into our children was actually damaging our relationship because none of that time, energy, love or affection went into us as a couple.


Unfortunately we had to hit rock bottom in order to realize this.


Fortunately, we had just enough love left in us to continue to push through. That night we vowed to give just a little bit more to us each and every day. To lean on each other when the going gets tough. To use each other as our sounding boards for all of our ideas, dreams, frustrations, and issues. To be the example to our children that they deserve to be loved by someone who will put them first.


Most importantly, we vowed to always put us first because at the end of the day, when we’re old and grey and our kids grow up and leave the nest, this season will be over and our love for each other will be all we’ve got.

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