As I breathe through these pesky contractions & fold freshly washed onesies & socks, I feel compelled to get these feelings off of my heart, before we leap into our new roles of “Mom of Two” & “Big Sister.”
Any day now your whole world will change- I constantly wonder if you’re ready for this new journey? For the last three years, everything has been about you. Every toy purchase, every boo-boo kiss, every thought running through my mind, & every wish I’ve made for the future- you, you, you.
You were my first newborn, my first toddler, the first to teach me what sheer, unconditional love feels like. The first I’ve cried with when it was time to say goodbye to your pacifier, & cheered for while you sat on the potty. You’re the first one who- though I am still learning - taught me how to be patient & forgiving when I’m at my wits end. You’re the first one to make me forget myself, & the first whose snot I’ve wiped with my bare hands & off onto my own pants.
Admittedly, I feel sense of guilt knowing that your baby sister will never be our “first” for almost anything in this world. Whilst sifting through the negatives of this fact, I realize that the one thing that she will have that you did not, is you. She will always have an entertainer, a partner in life, a hand to hold, and someone to show her the way.
I know that your inherent compassion for others will rub off on her as she watches your every move. Like last night, when I looked at you with tears rolling down my face, coming to terms with that the fact that these are our last days together as just us two. You held my cheeks with your tiny hands & said “It’s okay, Mommy, I love you. I'll get you a towel, ok?” so that I could dry my eyes. It was in that exact moment that my heart was reassured that you are more than ready for this new journey. .
While so many things in your world are soon going to change, I promise you, my baby girl, my love for you will never.